Thursday, October 20, 2011

A question of loyalty.

You are at the supermarket car park loading your shopping from the trolley into your car. You notice your best friend in another car not far away with a man. You do not recognise the car; nor the man she is with. It's certainly not her husband.

Suddenly, she is embrassing the man passionately. It is very obvious this is not just a friendly kiss; but something more serious.

Do you just look the other way and drive off ignoring what you saw?

Do you speak to her about it at some other time?

Do you tell her husband? 

Or do you comfront her there and then about cheating on her spouse?

What else would you do?


  1. Wow! That's a toughie, Victor. A few years ago I was impetuous and idealistic enough that I may have confronted her right there, full of indignation. Now I'm older and wiser (I hope), I'd like to think that I'd have the courage to try to talk to her about what I'd seen. I've learned.. the hard way.. that things are not always what they seem and that its not our call to judge (a huge flaw I'm constantly fighting to overcome) This friend may be going through something in her marriage that she is reacting to (like her own husband's infidelity). If I am a good friend I'd try to help her get back on track and at least give be there for her to talk to. I wonder though... if I'd be afraid to tackle this and quietly slip away. Hmm...

  2. Hopefully I wouldn't run off and tell others. Spreading this type of story would be just as bad as participating in it. But to answer your questions above, if she was my BEST friend, I wouldn't think twice about asking the Lord to lead me to speak to her in the manner he would want me to.

    What would you do Victor?

  3. Hi Lisa Maria and Daily Grace,

    This story is based on facts. Let's make it clear that the couple were in an amorous embrace. There is no room for doubt here. And no rumours or gossip to spread. If anything is spread at all it would be fact.

    Now let's also consider that this lady's husband is a close relative of yours. A brother, cousin or uncle.

    So ... no doubts, just facts as seen by you. Does your relative has a right to know the facts from you? Where do your loyalties lie? With your best friend or with your relative?

    I will let you know what I would do; but only after I've given others a chance to comment first.

    So, what do you think now with these additional, (true) facts?

    God bless.

  4. Well, for me, I would still pray for God's wisdom and then speak to the individual.
    My heart breaks for all involved.

    God bless

  5. Gosh, well, my first instinct is that I would approach the two of them and say hello. I wouldn't cause a scene but I don't think I could walk away from this situation.

    If my friend was behaving in this manner with someone who was not her husband, I think I would believe that the Holy Spirit put us all here together for a reason. I may be the instrument He is using to reach my friend. If I was called to be there by God, I would have to approach.

    My second instinct (which I know is not from God) would be to walk away and then try to reason it away or something. That I didn't see what I did see... to avoid a later confrontation.

    Are you telling us that you witnessed a friend of yours in this scenario?

  6. OOH... now I understand! That puts a new light on it, but I agree with Daily Grace, I would have to pray alot about what is the right thing to do. I would definitely feel that my loyalties lie with my blood relative but I think I would like to speak with her first and let her know what I'd seen.. giving her the opportunity to come clean on her own without me blowing the whistle on her. Its definitely a tight spot to be in.. I'd rather not be the one to break that kind of news, on the other hand I don't think I could stay silent either. What an awful situation to be in. I hope that its not your burden to bear Victor.. if so, I pray for strength and wisdom for you.

  7. I might walk up, knock on the window and say hello to let my best friend know I saw what she was doing. I'd invite her to come someplace privately with me so we could talk and let her lover get away.

    I might also pray first and then call her on the phone and ask for a meeting.

    What I would not do is gossip about it with others, regardless of whether it is fact or not. That is the sin of detraction.

    If it turns out she is cheating on a close relative of mine, I would pray hard for enlightenment. It is never wise to step into the middle of another person's marital relationship, no matter how close the person is to me. If I could get her to agree to stop seeing the lover and work on her marriage, that would be the best.

    Walking away and never saying anything would not be an option if I cared at all about my friend's soul.

  8. I did not witness the event in the car park. But I know the person who did.

    That person was not related to either the woman or her husband; but was a close friend of both.

    That person chose to confront the woman there and then in the car. And afterwards told her husband. The woman eventually confessed to a long running affair with the man in the car. The marriage ended in divorce.

    If I had witnessed the event I would not have confronted the woman but I would have told the husband because, as it happened, this was a long running affair behind his back. To have said nothing would have meant the affair continuing un-detected. I feel this is wrong for all concerned.

    God bless.

  9. I wish I had a Solomon-like answer for this one, but I don't. I thought it was easy until you added the clause that he is a relative.

    Given that, I assume I would have to confront the woman, and tell her I was going to talk to her husband about it if she didnt.

    But I would certainly be praying for both of them!

    God bless.

  10. Thanx Michael.

    I doubt I would have had the courage to confront her. Although I would certainly have told her husband. As it happebed in real life, the woman in question did confess to a long running affair.

    Also, as it happened in real life, the person who witnessed the embrace in the car park DID confront her there and then, and told her husband.

    I'm praying for all concerned.

    God bless.