A few weeks ago, I could not sleep, even though Michael was sleeping peacefully next to me. My mind and my heart were restless, so I got out of bed to pray and poured out my heart to God. Michael then began to cry so I went to him to care for him. It was then that God gave me peace and this became my prayer:
Lord, thank You for the amazing privilege of being a mother to this baby so beautiful.
As he rests in me, let me rest in You. I rest in You.
Right now, being his mother is the only thing I feel I can do with confidence. No words are necessary, only touch and love and nourishment.
As I grow in confidence in this ability alone, teach me to trust in You the way he trusts in me so that I will know Your Love and care for me and so will he.
As You teach me Lord, heal my heart, my body, and my soul.
Let me grow in confidence so that when words are necessary, I will use your words and actions and not my own.
In this way, You are teaching me to be Your daughter, to be a wife, to be a mother, to be a sister, to be a friend.
Mary and Joseph, I ask for your parental intercession in all this.
In Your Holy Name, Jesus, I pray. Amen.
The very next morning, a dear friend gave me the book St Gertrude - Herald of Divine Love (TAN Books). Wow! Here are some passages from the book that particularly spoke to me (italics mine):
"St. Gertrude was the herald of devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus." Thank You Lord for bringing St. Gertrude to me during June, the month of devotion to Your Sacred Heart and at this time and state in my life. Thank you St. Gertrude for coming to me.
"Gertrude's heart sought God alone, and found Him everywhere." O, Lord Jesus, You are everywhere and always with us. Thank You for Your Mercy and Love!
On St. Gertrude's unlimited confidence: "The Holy Fathers have always taught that the measure of our hope and confidence is the measure of the graces which we receive from heaven. They have realized that, through our unreserved confidence, God is most honored and glorified. Nothing will be denied to an unlimited confidence.... St. Gertrude understood that confidence is the key which opens the treasures of the infinite Mercy of God." Thank You Lord for answering my prayer and teaching me to trust in You and to grow in confidence in the Mercy and Love of Your Sacred Heart.
"Once when St. Gertrude was troubled with temptations, she implored the Divine assistance. Our Lord, in His exceeding Mercy, spoke thus to her: 'Anyone suffering from human temptations, who flees to My protection with firm confidence, belongs to those of whom I can say: 'One is My dove, My chosen one out of thousands, who has pierced My Heart with one glance of her eyes.' And this confidence wounds My Heart so deeply that were I unable to relieve such a soul, it would cause My Heart a sadness which all the joys of heaven could not assuage... The confidence that I truly have the power, the wisdom and the goodness to aid a soul faithfully in all her miseries, is the arrow which pierces My Heart, and does such violence to My Love that I can never abandon her.' " O Lord Jesus! I love you and I thank You with all my heart for Your faithfulness, Your sacrifice, Your Mercy and Your Love! I trust in Your Sacred Heart and thank You for giving me the desire for confidence. Let my confidence grow in You and Your Sacred Heart. Lord, let my trust that You will not abandon me grow. St. Gertrude, pray for us. Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us. Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.
Once when reflecting on her unworthiness: "Instantly she placed all her hope in God's goodness by saying: 'What will it avail me to hesitate? Even if a thousand years were given me, I could nevertheless not prepare myself fittingly. I will therefore go to meet Him with confidence and humility, and when my Lord sees me from afar, He will send in advance a garment wherein I may be fittingly clad to be presented to Him." O Lord, let me always approach Your Love in the Holy Eucharist with confidence and humility. And if I commit mortal sin, may I immediately seek Your forgiveness in Confession that I may not miss Your tender Love in this Holy Sacrament. Let Your Mercy be on us O Lord, as we place our trust in You. In Your Holy Name I pray, Amen.
The Tenth prayer of St. Gertrude's Devout Affectations on the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ:
O Jesus, true and fruitful Vine, remember now the lavish, the excessive profusion wherewith Thou didst shed Thy Precious Blood, when on the Cross Thou didst tread the winepress alone, and wast crushed as a cluster of ripe grapes; when Thou didst give us water and Blood from Thy pierced Side, so that not one drop remained in Thy Heart. Then wast Thou hung up as a bundle of myrrh, and Thy tender Flesh grew pale, and Thy moisture was all dried up within Thee, and the marrow of Thy bones consumed. By this Thy most bitter Passion, and by the shedding of Thy Most Precious Blood, I beseech Thee, O most Loving Jesus, wash my soul at the hour of my death with the water which flowed from Thy Sacred Side, and adorn it with comeliness in the Precious Blood of Thy sweetest Heart, and render it acceptable in Thy sight in the fragrant odor of Thy Divine Love. Amen.